“New passages and Old haunts”.

I was invited to a “Rite-of-passage” ceremony recently. As I entered the hosts home I was greeted by numerous men; men from a myriad of ethnic and cultural backgrounds. Here we were, all gathered for a singular purpose; to welcome a particular male into the brotherhood of men. This event was setup by the father of the young man in question. And I counted myself privileged to attend.


What stood out to me in this experience was the witness of relationship between father and son. For a father to make the effort of gathering key men (as it related to his son’s life) for the purpose of affirming his transition into manhood was telling. And as the night progressed and the ceremony finally drew to a close; predictably my thoughts drifted to my relationship with my own father, or better to say my lack of relationship.


It was several years ago that the strained relationship with my father reached a breaking point. I remember the day well; his final words of rebuke, his assurances that others who were not sons would prove to be better son’s to him than I had been, those words stinging my heart. On that day, I made my way once again into a fatherless state; vowing to never return to such a place of vulnerability.


It is curious how a beautiful event can lead to thoughts of injustice; injustice regarding my father’s actions on that day so long ago. Still, after a life time of enduring the message that I’m not good enough, that I haven’t lived up to the standard set before me and my relational responses to my father from that vantage point; to have the relationship terminated so abruptly is a hard pill to swallow.


I want to rage, to vehemently defend myself against these wounds. Yet I am well aware of my role in contributing to the dysfunction. But in spite of all this hope remains.


Psalms 25:16-18 (ESV)
16 “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. 17 The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. 18 Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins”.



This scripture reminds me that I need to rely upon one greater than myself for healing. Still holding onto the hope that one day my father and I will stand side by side - proudly, warriors with swords finally at rest, upon the shores of heaven.

Luther.